Why it's Hard to Ask for Help  

Especially when you're a female entrepreneur who never learned to ask for support

Do you find it hard to ask for help? Do you rather grind, hustle and work throughout the weekend than ask for support?

I hear you sister! 

For years I was not able to ask for help - okay, who am I kidding, I still find it hard to ask for help. Fortunately, I run into a bunch of limiting negative beliefs that taught me - the hard way - that you don't have to do it alone! 

This is my story, about Why it's Hard to Ask for Help, maybe you recognize something.

I had no real friends until I was 14 years old.

There was Diana, who briefly entered my life when I was 9- years old, but after 6 months her family moved to a different city. There was Yvonne - I truly loved her - but her mother forbade her to play with me.

And you know what? I got it.

 I was a weird girl who sneaked away from parties so that I could finish my book, I was not blond, not skinny, I considered myself ugly and messy, I gave the wrong answer when the teacher asked me something because my mind was somewhere completely else.

I looked weird, or so the girls in my class told me. The girls considered a floral skirt with a jeans jacket a fashion faux pas. "Is your mother blind?" one girl asked, "You can't wear that. Your mother must be crazy."
 
I walked over and dragged her from her seat over the floor without saying a word. I can still feel the shocked silence in the class.

By the way, my mother had nothing to do with my choice of clothing. That was all on me, I was fiercely protective of my mother - hence the dragging. I genuinely believed that it was normal to come home and find my mother on the couch.

When I was 8-years old I made up all the beds, stacked everything into neat piles, cleaned the kitchen, and did the groceries.

Sometimes I ran into my classmates who found it super fun that I was carrying the diaper bags for my baby sister. "Esther still wears diapers" was a much-loved joke.
Someone in my class was brave enough to ask me to write in her Poetry Album (an autograph book). I wanted to make it beautiful and created art for her, but I didn't dare to ask my mother for glue. So I used toothpaste instead.

So that made me Diaper Esther the crazy girl who spoiled a 'Poesie Album'.

Asking for help was quite a challenge for me

I went to another school only to find out that I was once again the odd one out. My new class teamed together to drive the weird girl out. When I entered the schoolyard, one boy called out: "There is Esther", and the entire class ran and hid behind the chicken scoop.

Eventually, those wonderful friends came when I was 14 years old and I couldn't be more grateful.

However, I had learned some pretty limiting beliefs that would impact the rest of my life.

1. ✔︎ Be the helper and never ask for help (because you won't get it)
2. ✔︎ There's something profoundly wrong with me
3. ✔︎ If you want people to like you (and not be an outcast), you've got to give, give, give.

So I worked. And studied, and worked more. Because working and having access to loads of knowledge, meant having value. 

It never occurred to me that Being Myself could carry any value. It never occurred to me that I didn't have to fight.

It never occurred to me that Being Myself could carry any value. It never occurred to me that I didn't have to fight.

I was severely depressed for over 10 years and managed to never miss a single day at work. For years I went to the psychiatric hospital to get therapy. All I wanted was for them to hold me, to take care of me.

But it never occurred to me that I could ask for it.

I became an entrepreneur and did the work-work-work thing. I didn't ask for help. I didn't expect things to be easy.
I figured - at a subconscious level - that I had to work my ass off.

In all honesty, I also didn't expect great results - even though I was heading in the right direction.

At a deeper level, I probably didn't feel good enough to receive all that money and work with all those amazing clients. 

► Yet, whenever I launched and felt like a lazy slob :-) my launch went amazing! 

► Whenever I go in to Give Give Give mode, my launches are less successful. 

So dear friend, one of the lessons that entrepreneurship gave me is that worthiness doesn't need to be proved.

So dear friend, one of the lessons that entrepreneurship gave me is that worthiness doesn't need to be proved. 

1. You are worthy. I am worthy. Period. 
2. Working harder doesn't lead to more success - working smarter leads to success.
3. Ask for help. Don't be like me. Make business friends, ask them to look at your website, join a program and get everything out of the program, share how you feel. 

Make sure you're in my Free Selflovepreneur Facebook Community so that you can feel if I'm the one who can help you. 

 All you have to do it Ask for Help