Are you autistic or ADHD? You suspect you are? Or are you experiencing an uncomfortable big shift? This video is for you. Hi dearest {{ subscriber.first_name }}Maybe it's something in air, a freaking huge shift is happening. Can you feel it too?It's a scary and uncomfortable shift. I'm okay with scary. But I'm not so good at: "Not knowing what will come next". Yep, I prefer to be in control.

So this morning I was being called to shoot a quick 5 minutes video. But after 23 first takes filled with 'uhms' and more 'uhms', I decided to keep going and to share this video - for the entire freaking world to see.

I know, I've got only 300 - and a bit - followers, but still. I’m ugly crying on this video. It’s not even funny. But here’s why I will post it any way. For a couple of reasons. We all got these super important breaking points in our life. They can show up like huge gaps where we are being invited to honor who have become, to see through the layers and step into a void, without knowing what will happen next.For instance: * An empty nest * After a big loss* After - or during - menopause * After moving to a different country*And in my case: after being diagnosed with ADHD and autism. We've got a choice. To keep doing what we used to do and not following a divine invitation. Or the BE who we truly are. And - even though I've done this many times - this one feels huge to me. My issue is masking as a neurotypical. For almost my entire life.📍Neurodivergent masking is not trying to smile through your tears. Or pretending to be okay when you’re not. So unmasking is saying farewell to someone - a neurotypical person - you have never been.So when you’re 18-years old that’s already hard. But when you’re 40, 50 - or holyfuck 60 and up - that means you sort of starting over. Those large business conferences? I can NEVER do those again. Because I can ONLY survive when I put the neurotypical mask back on. And when I get 7 days of recuperation time.

A big part of me that thinks I can be super neurotypical. But it always leads to exhaustion. So one - very useful - talent I have lost after dropping the neurotypical mask is my ability to stick to the freaking story. * Well, I never was very good at it but I forced myself. Do you want short and concise? You get it! Be like a CNN reporter. Follow the rules of engagement: “Don’t do this”“Don’t start with saying this or that” “People will drop off. Instagram wants you to ….” 📍But unmasking me - can’t do it. And effing Instagram is not in charge of my (and OUR) feelings. 📍Unmasking me - only starts making sense after ugly crying.📍 Unmasking me - can’t do anything that doesn’t feel aligned anymore. If you recognize any of this, you - and I - deserve a life without the neurotypical mask. It’s not easy. But the reward will come. Eventually.I hope this video will help you understand you are not alone.X with love,Esther