When was your last Satori moment? You know, that breathtaking moment where all the light bulbs in the world shine at the same time and all you can think is:

"WOW ...".  And after a while there is only wide eyed: "Wow ... HOW the Hell Did I Miss THAT!"  And than everything changes!

I had a  Satori Moment last week. Suddenly I saw everything that has been staring me in the face for years.

I realized Isolation is the Silent Killer of the most amazing Dreams and it's my job to set wonderfully weird women free by teaching them everything I know about authentic communication.

This was what happened.

I was at this retreat two weeks ago with a group of female entrepreneurs  and learned how to use our voices as the carrier of our truth.

Or as I felt it: "Speaking your deepest truth, without fainting, sweating like a maniac, or go into full, "I'm gonna kick you in the butt mode."

Instead of having a nice weekend this happened:

On Friday I entered the retreat space. I had vowed to be open, kind and without any prejudice. So I was willing to be taught and touched. Most participants already knew each other. Pleasant chattering around the table. Tea, chocolate and biscuits. Kind faces.

As soon as I joined the group of women, someone asked me what I did. I told them about my work with the Muse, the Pilot of the Circle and my work as a Soul Whisperer... I went on and on. Staring in confused eyes... and a HUGE headache kicked in.

Breathe woman! Breathe!

I was speaking on automatic pilot. Out of touch with myself. In that moment there was nothing that connected those women to me. I instantly felt like a stupid little girl. A fraud. An impostor. 100% convinced they thought I was an complete idiot.

Isolated from all the others. I was the odd one out before I knew it. Gone where my dreams. I felt alone, insecure and I could feel the other women react instantly. There was nothing wrong with the other participants. This was al about me, not being able to communicate from my heart.

Closed off. Completely Isolated.

I've been a professional spokesperson for large companies and city councils, a communication consultant for 25 years. I kick-ass.

Seriously. I don't mind speaking to huge audiences. But when I have to talk about something so close to my heart as my own work, I'm lost.

Like many sensitive wonderfully weird women I suck at small talk. I know the horrible feeling of not being able to express what you really feel to other people, to feel deeply alone, scared even. To always feel out of of step with the rest of the world.

You might recognize feeling like an idiot at every network event! Because when you want to explain what you, what your dreams are, all reason and words have left the building.

I longed for fellow wonderfully weird women who just understood the agony I was in. But instead it felt like the other women hurdled together as to emphasize my stupidness.

I had isolated the living daylight out of myself! A 53 year old women with the attitude of a 13 year old...

As I said: NOT my finest moment.

I realized I had a huge intimacy problem with large groups of people and knew I had to find a way to deal with it if I wanted to fulfill my own mission: Empowering  women  to rise in alignment with the calling of their soul!

I knew I had to step away from behind my save computer,  leave the studio and step into the arena.

Right there I realized there is a HUGE difference between writing down your deepest feelings or reflecting about it, and looking into the eyes of strangers and show your vulnerability without retreating into vagueness, looking to the ceiling stammering away, or go into full 'don't fuck with me' mode. 

Maybe you recognize something here? 

The next day we learned how to speak while being fully present.

It really was the most delightful and insightful experience. My God! Had I known the power of being fully present I would never-ever had felt so alone, isolated and devastated. I wouldn't had have the headache from hell. I would have recognized what was going on. I would had been able to act upon that feeling!

One day after longing to hide in a cave and never come out again, I told the women in the group how I met the Muse for the first time and how my life had changed since. I told them this story fully unprepared, while standing in front of the same women I'd wanted to flee from.

I just opened my mouth and out came words.

I cried (and made no excuses for it) I touched them profoundly. They said they finally understood what I did.

I was fully present. There was no 'feeling like a fraud' no 'ideas all over the place '.

There was just the most profoundly real and honest communication.

And that's when my Satori Moment kicked in. BAM! Isolation is the silent killer of dreams. All those dreams that never come out, because you don't know how to convince people to join you. Because once you speak to specialistic people they will say: "Okay very interesting but isn't that a bit too far fetched/already been done/too vague/... fill in any objection. ?" 

Imagine what would happen if you don't stop there. That you know what to do next, because you have the skills to show the world what you really mean!

You and I, bright, sensitive, multi-passionate, vulnerable women have a job to do on this earth. You are here to bring forth change, love, innovation, creativity, you are on a mission.  In a world where those who scream the loudest get all the attention, your voice is important.

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