Shame and Self-Hatred. Every Entrepreneur suffers from it. And that's Okay. Here are tips How to Deal With it
I recently watched artist St Vincent's Masterclass. She said a couple of things that are so important. Because this is all about how we - as entrepreneurs - learn to deal with ..... shame.
This is what she said and I'm totally paraphrasing here.
1. If you want to be successful you need to learn to live with your shame.
Because it will be triggered again and again. You can ONLY grow when you make mistake after mistake.
You will be red-checked, dumbfounded, you WILL do something incredibly 'stupid'
* like not recording your webinar call
* like sending 8.000 emails with a huge typo* like having a masterclass that you prepared and only 2 people show up
*and you go all: they hate me!*,
*like promising too much because you are afraid that what you have to offer is not enough
* like selling something for a price that says 'please, don't take me seriously.' and MUCH much more ... yes, this is just a tiny baby hand full of all the mistakes I have made.
You know what?
DEAL WITH IT. It's Okay!
It's okay. Cry, hang your head in shame (you don't have to, but it's totally okay to feel it for a bit), have a laugh, share what happened, and move on.
BECAUSE . .
No mistakes means No growth. No impact. No clients. No business. No money.
And also: shame will leave the building once you share it. Shame can't stand it when there's laughing and lightness.
2. You will be confronted with "I'm a Fraud, I'm not good enough, etc". E-VER-Y-FREAK-ING-DAY. Just let it comeIf you want to be successful you need to learn to live with your shame.
You are NOT more special, you are NOT less special than Beyonce, St Vincent, Gloria Steinem, or Michelle Obama.
I promise you: they have it too.
You are NOT the special snowflake who can be stopped by something we all experience.
DEAL WITH IT.
Originality is overrated. Just get your stuff out. Cry, stamp your feet, have a laugh, share your feelings, seek professional help if needed - seriously everyone needs that - and move on.
DO NOT HIDE.
You Are Much More than the Asshole Voice inside who tells you: 'You're nothing special. Don't write that book. Don't speak up. Don't share that poem.'
We ALL have that voice. You've got the RISE ABOVE IT
AND THIS IS HOW YOU DO THAT
The easiest way to do that is to love and accept yourself wholeheartedly. Not just a part of you, but everything. Including the fact that you doubt your genius. Including your shame, self-doubt, self-hatred. Accept it. Pushing it away will only make it stronger.
I teach my clients how to observe their mind-chatter and to listen to what their inner-critic (that's is often a Huge Asshole) is saying to them. This ongoing stream stream of bullshit that we tell ourselves will only diminishes when we love ourselves NOW.
Not the future ' super perfect you', but the Right Now! you.
So here's my tip: listen to the way you're talking to yourself. The relentless punishment we give ourselves (seriously, you would NEVER talk to someone you love like that!)
No mistakes. No growth. No impact. No clients. No business. No money.
So: Love yourself So Much that you can deal with your shame, your comparisonitis, your feelings of 'I'm not good enough.'
Grow WHILE making money.
Can I have a: "I Will Rise No Matter What!"?