Last week I shared my horror story where I told you about how I became partner in 'the wrong' company.

Of all the stupid things.... Remember?

I felt lost, unseen, convinced I deserved this. Convinced there was no way out of this mess.

And most horrible of all: I was absolutely sure I just had to learn to life with it and make myself smaller so I could blend in instead of stand out.

My mission those days was: If only I can be more like the others...

Thankfully mistakes are never thrown at us at randomly. I truly believe they are meant for us to grow. Failures are building blocks for our minds. They are, as the Indian saying goes: "The pillars of your success. If you learn from them."

Want to know what happened when I asked for help to change the mess I was in?

After another long, lost day in our ridiculously fancy office villa, I got in my car. It started to snow heavily. But I wanted to leave.

Away from the mess and the strictness. All I could do was scream. I needed to release the tension. I screamed until the tears arrived.

That evening I took a long hard look at my life. I was well over 45. I had more than 25 years experience as an art historian and consultant.

I was a really - seriously good - coach. A successful entrepreneur. Mother of a happy young son. Wife of my best friend…

Still I missed a vital part of me.

I had survived years of severe depression. The deep pitch black night of loneliness. That horrible feeling of non-belonging. I had helped countless people to climb out of that same night.

And now I was lost myself.

I wanted to bring change to the world. I wanted to share my own unique voice. I wanted to be sensitive AND colorful. I wanted to be vulnerable AND outspoken.

I wanted to be me. 100 percent.I wanted to be hold accountable. I desperately needed change.

“Okay, tell me what to do. Tell me my purpose.”, I said out loud in my silent room.

I had a piece of paper on my desk and a couple of old pens. Suddenly I doodled words. And I was drawing. Like some unseen force had taken over. I looked at my paper and it said “Creative Fire”.

I don’t know where these words came from. Really I don’t.

But even today I think somewhere there was a stubborn Muse who'd never given up on me. She had been waiting for me to ask 'the question'.

This is the original Creative Fire drawing I made that special evening

Because here’s the thing. I hadn’t created anything remotely ‘artsy’ for over 25 years. I quit Art School in my final year. Because I decided I was not good enough.

What I would create would never be admired. Be loved. Least of all by myself.

After quitting Art School I became an Art Historian and only touched an art work when I lifted a painting out of the wooden box to hang it on the wall.

I had become the consultant. The distant advisor. The one who never gets her hands dirty.

The one who can not fail. Because she never creates.

I had given in to the Ice Cold Claws of Perfectionism at the age of 22. And it had ruled my entire life. I had almost killed my Creative Soul.

When I read my own words ‘Creative Fire’ it felt like a beam of light entered my heart and mind.

Creative Fire! Something was about to change!

I created a small army of real life angels like a wonderful coach who believed in me even when I didn't.

Friends and family who love you no matter what are awesome (extra awesome when you think about all those women out there who don't have the incredible support of loved ones)

But we all need professionals in our life who see the fire in our eyes and hold us accountable.

Nothing beats the knowledge that there is someone who says she's 100% certain you can do it.

I dared to do truly scary things because my coach told me: "Listen I know you think you can't do it, because right now you can't see what I see. But I know you can. It's okay to be afraid. I'm not going to let that stop you. Go to the scary appointment and when you're back you call me and tell me about it'.

So, I told my fellow business partners I was out and finally gave myself permission to live a XXL life.

I re-built my business and life around the idea that Healing Art and Happiness are the best - most fun tools - for sensitive renaissance souls to take the huge step from dreaming to realizing.

Why am I sharing this with you?

Because you might be in the same boat I was in years ago. Maybe you feel you've taken a wrong turn and can't see the crossroads that take you off the main road to a whole new world where you can be you.

A Life Size You, instead of the mini-version puppet.

If you feel you need a big shift in your life or your business I love to help you to bring the sun into your life again.

Or better, to Be like the Sun. To feel deeply empowered. To shine like a freaking maniac.

Whether you work with me, your own coach, therapists, healer or even with a book that touches you deeply, find that cross road. There is always a way to bend the mistake into the pillar of your success!

Let me know if you're ready to take the crossroad or want to share something with me.

You are awesome! You are enough! You are Lovable!

Lots of Love, Art and Belonging,
Esther